Comfort beyond a point begins to do more harm than good.

When we enter our 20s, it’s usually the first time in our entire lives that we have freedom. We have more time than ever to think and do what we want (not literally, but you know what I mean). This means we now have a choice on how we can or can not spend our energy and time.

This is good and bad.

This is good because it’s the first step of becoming an adult. At some point, you have to figure out what you want, why you want it, and how to get it. And being in control of one’s life is the first step to making this possible. Being able to make your own choices is incredibly important. And if used correctly, it can set you up for an amazing future.

But for a lot of people, this is bad. Because we can fall into the trap of wanting to avoid discomfort and fall into pure unlimited comfort. This is because we humans naturally try to avoid discomfort at all costs and drown in comfort when we have the choice. And today in the modern world, it’s never been easier to choose to fall into pure comfort. This is what most people do.

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And for a while it’s cool! Stay up late. Eat whatever. Chill. Buy stuff. Scroll. Play video games. Do whatever you want. When you’re young, you feel invincible, and you basically are, and you don’t even feel as if you’re doing anything “bad”.

But at some point, if you continue, this flips, and it’s no longer cool, and you’re going to feel empty and unsatisfied.

Part of this is because of the hedonic treadmill.

Which basically means that we are always going back to a baseline level of happiness, no matter what happens.

We can buy this thing, do this, go on this trip, talk to this person, eat this food, scroll scroll scroll, try x y or z, thinking in the moment it’s going to make us happy forever. It doesn’t. It makes us happy for a second or two, not forever. So we try to replace it with more and more stuff, trying to keep ourselves at a certain level of happiness.

We trick ourselves into thinking the next thing we do is FINALLY going to be it, but it never is.

And if we keep trying to reach this ideal “happiness goal”, with vapid, bullshit, cheap dopamine, instant gratification activities that you know aren’t benefiting you long term, it’s going to be a losing battle forever.

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For two big reasons:

For one, it’s NEVER going to be enough. Speaking from personal experience. You’re going to keep trying to seek more and more comfort, trying to reach this perfect forever spot that doesn’t exist. You can shower yourself in every comfort, every pleasure for a year, and still end that year feeling as empty as ever. You are NEVER going to be 100% satisfied forever with any singular action.

And two, if you’re always comfortable, 99.6% of the time it means you’re not making progress towards anything useful or that you actually care about on a deeper level. Because the most important things require discomfort, at least in large parts, before you start reaping the rewards towards the end. There aren’t too many things that are worthwhile that come instantly and for free (there might be a couple, but it's not many).

Too much comfort makes you soft. Too much comfort means you're not trying. It means you're not taking a risk; you’re just getting comfortable with mediocrity.

(All of this depends on your life goals. If you want a simpler, chill, more predictable, fun, spontaneous life, then there’s nothing wrong with this at all! It truly depends on what you truly want.)

The older you get, the more you’ll realize that, at some point, comfort is more of a nice-to-have, rather than something you should seek all the time. It’s a bonus to life and a long-term goal. Not something you should shower yourself with constantly, especially this early in life.

I don’t want to sound like those people who say “YoUr 20’S aRe FoR bUIldInG” but your 20’s are the perfect time to build, if that truly is what you want to do with your life.

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Now, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with being comfortable inherently. I am not saying you should sleep on a cold floor every night and never do anything nice for yourself. That would be ridiculous. Enjoy the time period you live in; your ancestors would literally kill to be where you stand for one day. But like with anything, too much of it becomes bad.

The dosage makes the poison.

We live in a time in which so much comfort surrounds us; we now have to actively avoid it if we want to achieve more.

(plus also, comfort literally kills you slowly, on a more physical level. If you’re constantly eating badly, not sleeping, and not working out, you’re quite literally dying slowly)

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Being too comfortable can slowly creep up on you. Because it doesn’t feel like anything wrong is happening.

First, it’s one day of doing nothing. Then another. Then a week. Maybe you get a burst of motivation and try hard at that thing you want to do for an hour. Then another week passes of doing nothing again. Then a month. Then a season. Then on and on. Then you look back and realize you had an entire year of nothing. Time you’ll never get back.

But your 20’s are the one time in your life when you’re going to have the most energy and leverage to change your life however you want to. So if you waste it all trying to stay comfortable, it’s going to kill you slowly on the inside. You’re going to look back knowing you could’ve made so much more progress towards your goals, but instead you choose to be comfortable and do nothing. And the worst part is that it STILL isn’t enough.

If you do this, you’re going to be in this limbo state of trying to be “happy” but also at the same time wanting to make progress, and be dissatisfied with your life because you’re neither.

The time when I’ve personally made the most progress in my life and my goals is when I was actually the least comfortable. I was either sad, upset, angry, or just not in the best position.

If you’re comfortable, it makes you not want to take action. Because to your brain, it’s reached the state it’s been trying to get to and sees no point in taking more action.

If you’re uncomfortable, you’re going to try to take as much action as possible to stop being uncomfortable and go back to being comfortable.

It’s a constant dance.

But if you trick your brain into thinking you are comfortable by hijacking its reward centers with all the distractions we have surrounding us today, not only will you not be truly comfortable, but you’re also not taking action towards your goals.

And you’re going to keep getting older, then you’re going to look up, realize you did nothing difficult, new, challenging, hard, meaningful.

This is how people “waste their 20s”.

It’s slow during the day-to-day moments, but fast looking back. Having new experiences, creating meaningful memories, and challenging yourself slows down time.

A lot of people say time flies, and… meh. Yes, but no.

Sure, 5 years feels like it went by in 10 seconds if you sit here right now and try to summarize the past 5 years in 10 seconds. But I personally haven’t been in high school for 7 years now, and it feels like a long 7 years. I haven’t been 15 in over a decade, and it feels like a LONG time since I was 15. It doesn’t feel like years are passing by in minutes as some people say; they’re being a bit dramatic. But again, maybe I haven’t hit that threshold when time really speeds up yet.

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A big thing that actually does affect how fast we experience time is how we use it and what we do with it.

And a lot of people feel as if a large part of their youth flies by because we waste a large part of it. This is generally due to distractions and being comfortable, like I mentioned before. And today, this is largely due to doomscrolling, screens, social media addiction, overstimulation, and other modern distractions.

This boils down to time feeling fast because they’re not having new experiences.

A lot of people say time flies by because they’re not doing anything new or different. Which makes sense. Because when something new is happening, your brain is trying to learn as much as it can, so it’s taking its time to learn everything, feeling like time is slowing down.

But if something unimportant or routine happens, your brain has no reason to spend resources trying to remember or soak it in, because it’s already done it in the past.

There’s no new information to slow down and take in.

When you focus heavily on something, that’s when time seems to slow down because even though the same literal time is passing, you’re like a sponge and actually observing and absorbing everything about that moment.

Think about those moments in your life whenever something big, important, or monumental was happening, good or bad. You can probably still remember those moments in good detail even years later. Because your brain noticed that this is important, for whatever reason, and basically was like “lemme take some time to write this down so I can remember it”.

This is why presence is very, very important. Actually, stopping sometimes and soaking in the moments we live, even if they’re mundane. By doing that, you can literally extend your experience of life because you’re actually aware and experiencing more of your life.

Not everyone can decide to turn their life into an adventure, so their brain always has something new to focus on. But you can still get the same effect by simply focusing on the smaller, simpler moments in life and expanding your consciousness into the moment.

Not to sound too woo woo, but it’s true.

Coffee, for example. A lot of people drink coffee daily. But very few people take time to listen to the sound of the beans being ground, smell the air mixed with coffee, the warm feeling on their fingertips, the complexities of the taste as it moves throughout your mouth, etc. But by doing that, they can have 100x more memories and appreciation of that moment rather than just chugging a coffee.

The universe we live in is more complex than you can imagine. Every day we use magic. We are stardust that can speak. We are somehow able to be conscious that we’re conscious. Your brain is more complicated than any machine on earth.

You existing at all is a miracle; there’s always something to soak in and appreciate, no matter where or when you are.

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Anyways, there have been times when it feels like I’ve experienced the longest week ever. But then also times when a month would pass, and it feels like it was instant, and I remember almost nothing. Looking back, when things were slower, it was because I was more present and actively engaging in whatever was happening. And I was doing something new or fun or challenging or all the above.

But those fast blurs of time happened when I was being super comfortable, I was in a rut, and did nothing but give into my instant pleasures. Doomscrolling, eating badly, staying up late, I’m not going to repeat myself again lol. The long list of shit we know is bad for us.

These things feel cool in the moment, but don’t form any meaningful memories (At least not when you do them for the 239th time. Eating pizza, staying up late, scrolling is very fun and enjoyable the first couple of times, but like we talked about before, you get into a routine, and it’s no longer new, but just something you do. )

Because of that, when we look back, we see… nothing. And feel like nothing happened. Because there’s nothing memorable to look back on.

This is why doomscrolling is going to rob so many people of a meaningful life. Because it’s the biggest distraction we younger people have by far, it’s getting worse every year, and it’s going to take a huge chunk of our lives and give us memories of nothing but noise if we don’t do something about it.

Also, if you wanna see where your time will go throughout your life, I made a free tool that people loved and say it’s changed the way they view their life. It’s free, and I hope it’s useful to you: https://Malikpeace.com/audit

As you get older and older, you get more and more into a routine; nothing really changes or surprises you anymore. You’re not growing. Your life has plateaued. The new things in life become more and more spaced out instead of happening every day like they used to when we were younger. When we were teenagers, almost every week, there was something new happening. In college, we’re meeting new people, going to events, and just don’t have a care in the world about anything else, making every new day truly new.

And I can easily see how this gets worse and worse over time (time speeding up) as you have less and fewer new experiences. Unless you fixed this with intentional new experiences or presence.

So, if you want time to “slow down” and, in a weird way, “get more life”, experience more life by doing different things and adding more variance and challenge into your life. If someone asks what you've been up to this past year and it's only a sentence, fix that. Make it a goal to make it a paragraph instead.

This is a bonus lesson 2.1.

“You have time” is a myth.

If there is something you want to do, I highly recommend starting it now. It doesn’t mean you need to finish it now, but start it now. The longer you wait to start, the harder and harder it is going to get. I know people in my life who want to do a bunch of different things, but haven’t even started. And now, as they age and are approaching 30+, it's going to be nearly impossible for them to achieve that goal. Not because they can’t, but because the longer you wait, the harder it becomes to start.

Think about it like this: whatever it is that you want to do is like a mountain. When you’re 20, that mountain is 100ft tall. It’s going to be hard to reach the summit no matter what, but if you start when you're 20, when you’re 25, you can be maybe 60 ft up that mountain if you’re focused.

When you’re 30, the mountain is now 500ft tall, you have less time, and you have a 100lb vest on you. This doesn't mean you can't start the climb; it just means it's going to be harder than compared to when you were 20.

As you age, you get more responsibilities. And responsibilities slow you down from doing something different with your life. Of course, this depends on what it is you want to do, but if you have a wife/husband, kids, bills, debt, full-time job, declining health, stress, other commitments, etc. It’s a LOT harder to do something big and make a strong pivot in your life.

Again, I do not want to make it seem like it’s impossible to do something. A lot of older people have been able to make a big change in their lives. But it would be dumb to say it’s not significantly harder and riskier the older you get.

Also, real shit, you could die much sooner than you think.

A lot of us can think, “oh i’m 20, that means I have 50+ years to live” no. There’s the median age IF everything goes well. That means you’re literally a 50% you’re not even going to make it to that age.

You probably know people who have died at a young age. People who’ve gotten cancer and are forever changed. People who lose their limbs who are now limited in what they can do with their lives. If you don’t, I want you to know they exist.

Just because you’re young doesn’t mean you’re going to see what it’s like to be old.

You are here now; the next day is not guaranteed. You have time, yes, but you do NOT have forever. Even if you do have time, it doesn’t matter if you don’t do anything with it.

Time stops for no one. As long as you keep breathing, time will continue to pass. And you WILL reach 30-40-50 one day if you’re lucky enough. Your 20’s are a small window of your life, please use it wisely.

Think for yourself and stop letting others’ opinions influence your entire life.

99.99% of people don’t think about you at all, or at least not nearly as much as you think. They have their own lives they’re living.

When you’re in high school, you think everyone’s always looking at you and cares about your life. When you’re in college, you think the same way. But somewhere between 20 and 24 years old, you slowly start to realize nobody gives a fuck about you because they have other shit to worry about.

And even if someone does think about you, it doesn’t actually tangibly affect your life at all.

And 99% of the time, the .1% of people who really think about you don’t have anything going on within their own life, so they’re going to try to focus on something else other than themselves, which is you. Which still does not affect your life.

If you want to have a simple way of figuring out how much people think about you, ask yourself, how much of your mental energy and time is spent worrying about other people’s lives? Probably very little, if not at all.

And once you realize that people don’t really care and it doesn’t matter if they care about you, it gives you more freedom to live your life on your own terms.

This is important because whenever we are younger, our entire lives and personality are based on the people that we are around. To the point that we care more about what others think about us than what we think about ourselves. This is fine in the beginning as we’re kids, but some people never grow out of this and constantly are worried about what others think of them. This becomes a problem because they never learn who they are when nobody’s opinion is a factor.

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Only care about the opinions of the people you care about. Close friends, family, maybe people in your field who might actually tangibly affect your life. But even then, still, put yourself first.

Because you are the only one who is ever going to live your one experience. Meaning you should have the final say on how your existence will go. Live for yourself, not others.

This doesn’t mean be purely egotistical and never ever ever listen to what people say. But it means: listen to what other people say and what they think. Contemplate and incorporate it, but at the end of the day, decide what you want.

What you don’t want to do is look back at the end of your life, realizing you were living for everyone else but yourself. This is one of the biggest regrets people have at the end. (Top 5 Regrets of the Dying by Bonnie Ware)

A lot of people are afraid to think for themselves because they were punished in the past for doing so. And when you’re young, you are so heavily influenced by others around you, you don’t even know who you are until you’re much older. A lot of people don’t find out who they are until they’re 40+, and by then it’s too late, and you’re going to be filled with regret knowing you wasted half your life.

If you’re young, you need to figure out who you are. If you don’t know who you are, create yourself.

If these years are going to dictate the rest of your life, you have to make sure it’s for you.

Just don’t wait too long to figure out who you are, what you think, what your beliefs are.

Remember you, not others. You.

So, you might as well get something from it.

When I say suffer, I don’t wanna sound dramatic and act like you’re going to be chained up somewhere getting tortured or something. Nor do I want it to seem like every single second of existence is pure suffering and pain. But that being said –

Everything is suffering.

If you go to the gym, it hurts, and you’re suffering.

If you don’t, you get unhealthy, and you’re suffering.

If you don’t take a risk you’re suffering knowing you could’ve but didn’t.

If you are taking a risk, you’re suffering from doubting yourself and dealing with uncertainty.

If you’re on your phone 24/7 doing nothing, you’re suffering.

If you’re grinding or really in the trenches, you’re suffering.

There is nothing I can think of in which suffering isn’t attached in some way.

Even with drugs, which are supposed to make you feel 100% bliss and no suffering, will make you suffer at some point.

You can never fully 100% avoid it.

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Even if you somehow avoid suffering for a time, you’re going to adapt to the removal of suffering and suffer again. Because your brain is constantly looking for a problem to solve, even when things seem like they’re good. And once it finds a problem, this is going to cause suffering again, making it a constant of the human condition.

Think about it like this. Imagine you were given every single thing you want right this second. A house, family, freedom, health, whatever. Imagine you were there for a week, a month, or a year. If you sit with that thought for a minute, you can probably already start to find problems with that situation. Showing that even if you were given everything, you would still find a way to suffer.

Now I don’t see this as a bad thing per se, instead I see it almost like an equation.

If suffering is going to happen no matter what, then I can expect it and ignore it. I can simply just look at the end result of what I want and then go get it without expecting a clean smooth path, because I know that no matter what, suffering is the cost.

And also, when I am suffering, I don’t make myself feel bad about it.

Sometimes when suffering, we can feel bad about suffering, which leads to more suffering. Then we suffer more suffering because we feel bad about suffering suffering and it’s this non-stop suffering loop.

Simply just accepting it as a part of life and moving towards any way, is way more useful than trying to solve this impossible equation that’s part of being human.

And I’ve been saying this for years: No matter what path you take in life, it’s going to be hard. Why not take the path that gives you the most at the end?

This is probably the most Important thing here, honestly. At least the top 3.

Most people don’t think.

Of course, they technically do, but not really on a deeper level. Especially for younger people in their 20s. We just don’t take any real time to think. Even though it’s THE most important time to think, ask questions, and figure out stuff, because depending on how you think will dictate whether or not your life moves up, down, left, right, or in circles.

In my experience, most younger people don’t because we’re constantly distracted by our phones. When I was younger, it was sleep, school, sports, work, video games, and a lot of phone in the middle to fill the gaps. Almost zero time went to actually thinking about my life alone for hours with no other forms of stimulation to distract me, but I think it’s one of the most important things I’ve ever done in my entire life.

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Which is fucking crazy if you think about it. Think about your age right now, then multiply it by 8765. That’s how many hours there are in a year. This will tell you how many hours of your life you've lived so far. Then ask yourself, how many of those hours have been spent sitting alone with no other forms of stimulation, so you can think about your life?

If you’re 20 right now that means you’ve been alive for 175,300 hours. Let’s say you’ve only thought about your life for a total of 3 hours over the course of your life, which honestly might be high for some people. That means you’ve spent 0.0017% of your life actually thinking about your life.

Which is absolutely frightening, the first time I thought about it like this.

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Because when you think about your life, you’re examining it. And again, your brain looks for problems in everything and tries to solve those problems. So, when you look at your life, you’re bringing all the problems of your life on full display, giving you the chance to solve them.

But it’s one of the most painful things you can do because it’s your life. It's different if we're looking at something we can turn away from, but we can't turn away from ourselves. We have to confront our lives.

This is NOT easy. It’s very simple to just say “think about your life,” but it’s one of the most uncomfortable things any human can do, but necessary if you wanna get the most out of your existence. You can never expect to fix or change your life if you don’t do this.

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Sit down and just think.

Figure out what YOU want.

Why do you want what you want?

How are you going to get what you want?

Do you ACTUALLY care about what you think you want?

What do you find meaningful?

Why do you find it meaningful?

Do you think life has meaning?

Is everything meaningless?

Do you believe there’s a God or no God?

What does that mean to you?

What goals do you have for yourself?

Why are you pursuing them?

If you keep pursuing them, where will it lead you?

Do you want the end result of what you’re pursuing?

What have you done with your life so far?

Have you achieved anything?

Are you happy? Are you sad? Are you fulfilled? Why? Why not?

Why? Why anything?

Who are you?

And on and on and on.

These questions are very, very uncomfortable, but if you run from them, you’ll run from your life.

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Even outside of just deep thoughts of your life, think about everything. Ask questions. Question everything. Think about your decisions beyond the immediate consequences of them.

Become genuinely interested in existence itself. Remove distractions every now and then and just ponder. You get to be here only once, and you form so much more in-depth thinking when you stop and let your brain off the leash and just let it explore.

Now you can get lost in your mind, so make sure you’re still doing stuff and not just thinking 24/7. But most people don’t even think deeper about their lives at all, outside of a passing thought, which is scary.

Use your brain, it’s the most complex thing in the universe.

You feel tired and awake at the same time and are more likely to react on your impulses.

(This isn’t to put down anyone who drinks, not at all. Just my personal opinions and experience so far.)

I’m one of the rare people who never drank before 21. I actually didn’t really try to drink until I was 22, I think. And I tried drinking because I was like, “Hey, I’m finally old enough to drink, let’s do it!”And it’s fine, I guess?

It does feel nice because you feel relaxed and you don’t care about much. But you start to lose control. I never got super super drunk, but I can easily see how it can get bad very quickly because your judgement just takes a shit the more you drink.

The best I can describe it, is to imagine the thoughts you have right now. You have 1000s. But there’s a little wall that’s stopping you from acting on and saying the thoughts in your mind. But as you drink, that wall gets lower and lower, and now suddenly every little thought and first action just happens because nothing is stopping it.

This is when people typically warn you about drinking. Not that drinking itself is bad, but that too much of it can lead to problems.

I am still incredibly new to drinking. I know there are different types of alcohol as well. I am 100% going to experience more as I get older. But I say it’s overrated, because I thought it was going to be some magical experience.

But again, I’ve only drank maybe twice, so take what I say as a very small grain of salt, and do whatever you want, just stay safe.

You probably don’t remember anything you were worried about 5 years ago, and you won’t remember what you’re worried about now 5 years from now.

A quote I like a lot goes “I have known many a great troubles, most of which never happened”

This has been an ever-increasing true statement in my life.

I can’t say exactly what happened, but I was 19-20 when something happened. I don’t remember 100% what it was, but I know it had a lot of emotional buildup. I remember it being this thing I was worried about for a long time. Then the thing finally happened. And I remember right after, I stopped, stared off for a second, and just thought, “huh… That shit didn’t matter, did it?”

The fact that I can’t even tell you what that situation means shows that it truly didn’t matter.

Over time, this has become a larger part of my reality. Most things don’t matter.

Not saying NOTHING matters and there’s nothing to take seriously to put your focus on. But most things don’t and aren’t worth putting much attention on. Not only things like other people, politics, news and other things you can’t control, I even mean smaller things.

Let’s say you lose your keys, for example. You could sit there and freak out and worry about it, or just stay calm and just find your keys. You are going to find your keys again within due time. And if stressing out about it isn’t going to help you find them, there’s simply no point in doing so.

You can freak out and worry about anything if you choose to. But if it’s not going to make a difference in the situation, there’s no point. This doesn’t mean you’re going to situations when your brain is just going to freak out and stress; that’s normal. But 95% of situations, you are making the conscious choice to continue worrying about something that won’t matter 5 minutes later.

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Also, worrying about everything takes away energy you could put towards more useful things.

I read Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck by Mark Manson years ago; I should probably read it again.

But the biggest takeaway I got is: if you care about everything, you actually care about nothing. You only have a certain amount of “cares” or “fucks” to give. And if you give everything the same amount of attention, you’re telling yourself everything matters to you equally. And you remove how much care can be put on the things you actually care about.

But if you sit down and actually think (remember the other lesson) about what you ACTUALLY care about and what ACTUALLY matters to you, you can remove the wasteful energy you’re putting into other things, and redirect it towards what you care about most. It saves you so much time and focus. And finally allows you to actually put the necessary amount of energy, focus, time, effort, power, etc. into the things you actually give a fuck about.

Which generally is only like 5% of the things. The other 95% can be ignored.

Use music as a supplement to life.

I’m not religious personally, but music truly is a blessing.

I’ve always enjoyed music, and as I’ve gotten older, my music taste has just widened. And I’ve grown to find a deeper and deep appreciation for music as time continues to pass. I don’t know how sound waves can influence the human mind this much, but it’s shocking to me, every time, how much the right sound, at the right tempo, at the right time, can completely change the way you think.

Music has been used to get entire nations to round up. It’s been able to unite people across different language barriers. It’s been able to convey emotions better than almost any other form of expression. Music from eons ago can bring people alive today, back to when the music was first being produced.

If you’re upset about something. There’s music. Unmotivated. There’s music. Want to think deeper. There’s music. Relax. Music. There’s not much I can’t think music can’t be used for.

I recommend listening to multiple different types of music outside of the 2 genres you usually listen to. Music from different parts of the world and different languages. It unlocks so many different parts of your brain.

I recommend using music as a tool. I’m sure a lot of people might not see it as a tool, but it truly can help you tangibly in your life. More specifically, when it comes to drive, motivation, and focus. Selectively listening to the right type of music for the right moment can give you a burst of energy to help you regain momentum again.

Or even if you don’t use it as a tool, simply enjoy it. Enjoy all of it.

It truly is a wonder of the world.

I’ve been doing this every day since I was like 15. It’s a great habit.

You feel better. You look better. You are simply healthier. You’re probably dehydrated, so just drink lots of water.

I’m not going to make this a super long lesson just do it lol

I remember years ago I had terrible skin. Like really bad acne. And I heard someone say to just drink a lot of water. So I did. And within a week, my acne went away by like 80-90%.

This is one of the best habits I’ve kept with me for years

I recommend getting a nice water bottle too. A lot of water bottles are different, and you’re probably going to like different types, but if you experiment and find one with a really good straw, it can help reinforce the habit in your brain.

Of course, if you’re smaller, drink less. You probably don’t need a gallon of water a day if you’re a smaller girl. I’m a 6’1 guy, so I need a lot of water. Don’t drown.

There’s zero downside to doing this. Water is the second most important thing your body needs, outside of oxygen.

Drink water.

If you constantly allow yourself to not be bored and replace it with overstimulation, you’re going to waste so so so much time, and you’re never going to be able to focus long term. The useful actions in life are typically “boring” when compared to other overstimulating things.

A lot of our lives are spent drowning in overstimulation. We can barely turn a corner without seeing something flash or move or trying to get us to waste time. The biggest distraction we have of course, is our phones.

Our phones are designed by billion-dollar companies that try to make you as addicted as possible to their products and services. Now, this isn’t a bad thing; it just means that the world is designed for you to waste time if you’re not careful.

The device in your hands allows you to never have to face boredom anymore. You can always drown out your thoughts and decide at any moment to drown in stimulation instead.

This is a problem because your brain is always going to chase the things that make it feel like it’s being rewarded, regardless of context. Meaning your phone will constantly chase being on your phone instead of making progress in other areas of your life because it feels more “boring” compared to your phone and other distractions.

And when you finally put your phone down, the boring thing you were trying to avoid is still going to be there, but this time it’s going to be even harder to start because your brain is still thinking about the other, more “fun” things.

This is the big reason a lot of people can’t focus. They’re WAY too overstimulated. If your brain gets used to being overstimulated, it’s not going to want to focus on anything boring and useful. And long term, it’s going to make it harder and harder to actually focus and get shit done.

The only way to fix this is to train your brain to be okay with being bored for a bit. Show it, it’s not going to die, and it’s actually fun and enjoyable, not being fried 24/7.

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Sitting alone is boring. Thinking is boring. Working is boring. Planning is boring.

But all of those things can improve your life exponentially and give you meaning and purpose, which is more “fun” than anything a screen can give you.

I’ve also learned you adapt to boredom a LOT faster than you think.

This is something that I feel like a lot of people should learn: Doing “hard” things aren’t hard forever. Because your brain adapts and enjoys it a lot faster than you think. Sure, you can’t fall in love with anything, but with almost anything that doesn’t kill you, your brain will get used it and start to enjoy it. And this takes maybe about… 5-15 minutes of actually locking in on a “boring” task.

And once you start to get rewarded long-term by your actions of the “boring” task, it actually starts to become fun, but you need to keep going until you get there.

Usually, the thought of something is a lot worse than actually doing it. Once you do it, you’ll realize it wasn’t even that bad, and you wasted a lot of time thinking about the bad part instead of just starting and doing it.

And with being bored and starting to do stuff, once you start, you get into a flow. And you realize it’s not that bad, and you’re still alive. Not only are you alive, but if you actually enjoy the task, you feel alive as well.

But it’s going to feel like you’re dying if you’re constantly frying your reward centers.

Remove the overstimulating things from your life every now and then and learn to be bored.

I don’t really give out relationship advice. Partly because I think it’s a bit awkward and weird. There’s a lot of nuance and I don’t see myself as a dating coach. But I’ve been in a 5-year-long term relationship that’s been near perfect in my 20’s. Which I think is pretty rare, especially in my age range.

When I was younger, I didn’t just want a girlfriend; I needed a girlfriend. I felt like everyone around me was with someone, so I needed to do the same. I was always trying to get a girlfriend to the point I started settling and dating people I actually didn’t even like that much in hindsight. But the worst part is that I was spending more time worrying about other people than myself.

After a breakup years ago, I was drained. And for a while, I gave up on constantly searching for someone. This is when I started to think about my life.

Questions like: Who am I? What do I have? What am I doing with my life? Etc. Started to pop into my head.

After I started to think about my life, I started to focus on my life. After I started to focus on my life, I improve my life. After I improved myself and my life, BOOM, I met the love of my life

Could it have been luck? Idk maybe. I am very lucky.

But I wouldn’t have been able to meet, attract, or form a long-term relationship if I didn’t first focus on myself. Before, I wasn’t mentally or physically there. I had no goals or any ambition. It would’ve been a repeat of the past and a waste of time.

A lot of people spend too much time looking at everything else outside of themselves. But if you focus on yourself, you grow and become better. So now you have something to offer when you inevitably find someone. It’s going to make the relationship 10x better because of it.

If you have nothing to offer nor even know what you’re doing with your life, pouring all your energy into another person (probably) isn’t the smartest thing to do.

This doesn’t mean you gotta be a lone alpha wolf or whatever. It doesn’t mean grind and focus on yourself until you’re 35 or 40 before dating. But just make sure you’re good and stable first.

Become the shit, and you’ll naturally attract someone who is the shit.

This is something I think about more than anything right now.

The internet is by far the most powerful invention the average human has access to. We can learn anything. See anything. Talk to anyone. Share. Consume. Whatever. The internet contains everything all the time. It truly is something special when you think about it.

The internet, like most inventions in history, is just a tool. All tools do is give you leverage. And the internet gives the average person nearly unlimited leverage. And depending on how they use it it’s either going to be really good or really bad.

There are people who use the internet to their advantage. They use it to actually learn, create something, produce something, improve themselves, encourage others, etc. They start a business and use all the information on the internet to tangibly affect their lives. They put their own message on the internet to reach more ears than kings did generations ago. It can be used 1000 different ways to benefit someone’s life.

But then there are those who use the most powerful tool ever as a pure distraction, doing nothing but letting an algorithm drag them around. They spend all their time looking at news across the planet, worrying about people they’ll never meet with their own eyes, and are glued to a screen from the moment they wake up to the moment they fall asleep. They spend zero time actually learning anything useful or beneficial to their lives. Their experience with the internet is watching content, then forgetting it within seconds when they move to the next one. They consume consume consume while producing nothing in return. The most they’ve contributed to the growing body of human knowledge is arguing in a comment section.

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Now this doesn’t mean you need to only be on one side or the other; it’s more of a continuum. You’re never going to be a 100% productive person who only uses the internet for 100% information or whatever you call “productive”. You’re also probably not gonna be a complete brain-rotter who does nothing useful with the internet.

So please don’t take it like I’m saying consuming is wrong. Of course, you’re going to consume, everyone does on the internet. Even the top people are going to sit down and watch content.

But one thing I heard years ago, which I don’t wanna say “changed my life,” was: becoming a producer rather than a consumer.

It’s not that being a consumer is bad at all; it’s more of the idea that if that’s all you’re doing. That's a problem. If the only thing you do online is consuming, and you’re not producing anything or using what you’re consuming for something useful, that's bad. Because you’re wasting time and getting nothing back from your time.

But again, this is within context. If you’re someone who doesn’t post on social media and you work hard and just want to consume some Mr. Beast, cool! It’s more about people who consume while also not working on their own goals.

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One thing I think about a lot is the future of the internet.

Obviously, I use the internet, and I’ve been on the internet for years now. So I’ve seen how it’s changed over time.

Today, we have AI. I know a lot of people don’t like it, but it’s one of those things when I’ve looked at it, and it feels like the internet 1.5. And it’s just going to make it easier and harder for people at the same time, as the internet did before when it came out.

Easier than ever because now you can learn even more easily, and now AI can do things for you to benefit you in real life. It can synthesize so much information within seconds that can literally save you decades of your life if you had to learn and find out this information for yourself.

But harder bc most people are not going to use it, and continue to consume and waste their time. And AI is going to make it easier for the people producing the content to keep wasting their time. The people who are using it are going to get ahead and are going to take what the people who aren’t using it want.

It’s just what happens as things change.

I know what it’s like to use the internet as a pure distraction.

Earlier in my life, I used it as a pure distraction and to waste time and procrastinate. I would be up late and just consume consume consume and not remember any of it. Of course, I still do that every now and then because I’m human. But once you start to build and use it to your benefit, it actually becomes pretty fun and very enjoyable.

Doesn’t mean you need to start an online business of anything like that. It doesn’t mean consuming content is bad and you should never watch anything to pass the time. But if you’re going to spend 10 hours a day looking at a screen, get something from it. And if you’re starting to put it above the things you know you should a doing, a break might be needed.

A big lesson I’ve learned is to use the tools you have. The internet is the most powerful tool you have, and you would be a fool for not using it.

Use the device in your hand. Don’t let it use you.

For a lot of people, they never do this and see this as a major red flag.

But I think you should compare yourself to others with an *. You should compare only in certain areas of their lives in a useful and productive way that can improve your life. At least this has improved my life.

Two extremes:

If you compare yourself to everyone all the time and the people you obsessively compare yourself to are doing things you don’t even want to do, showing their edited perfect life on the internet, and you know you’re not going to take anywhere near the same level or kind of action as them to get to where they are… that’s stupid. Because you’re just going to feel bad and then constantly waste time comparing yourself to people you don’t even want to be like. You’re going to be comparing yourself to a fake version of a life that doesn’t exist, and no amount of effort/action, even if you took it, would get you there. It's a lose-lose situation.

But on the other side, if you don’t compare yourself to anyone, you’re going to be very, very lost and typically won’t have that human pull to compete and become better than someone else. We are humans, we are social, we compare, we compete, and through comparison, we can see if someone is further or closer than us. If further, we want to improve and get better to catch up, and if this is done healthily, it can be extremely helpful and beneficial.

This is why I say you should compare:

Let’s say you wanna be an artist. If you NEVER compared your art to other people, then you have no idea if your art is even good. And unless you truly are, THAT GUY or THAT GAL, you’re probably not going to go far. Think of the person you might know who is doing their own thing, and it's really bad, but they don't know it's bad because they're "doing their own thing" and avoid looking at/learning from others.

But, imagine if you did compare your art to other artists and learned different styles, techniques, etc. You’re going to progress so much further because you have 100 more inputs other than your own thoughts, which can be skewed.

If you’re around the right group of people, or you have a role model you look up to, comparing yourself to them will help keep you in line and improve your progress 10 fold because you’re all competing (healthily) and improving along the way. And by comparing yourself to someone who’s ahead of you, you can better learn the lessons, principles, and actions that got them there, which can help you A LOT.

Over the past several years, I’ve compared myself to people I want to be like so I can align my actions with theirs, so I can get closer to my goals. And this has actually materially changed my life.

A lot of people say to compare yourself to who you were yesterday, which is true! Notice and appreciate your progress, of course. BUT comparing yourself to people ahead of or better than you can also benefit you. Compare yourself to yourself but also compare yourself to others you want to be like.

Just make sure it’s useful, and you gain something.

As humans, we have emotions and energy crashes. For me, in my experience, I’ve realized this gets 20x worse if I don’t sleep right, my diet is shit, and I haven’t moved or worked out in weeks.

This is very obvious, but it’s one of those things even I have to remind myself sometimes.

Sleep. Diet. Exercise. (In my experience, this is the order of importance, but all three are important tbh)

If you get a pizza at 11 pm and stay up till 3 am, I PROMISE you, your mood and energy are going to be shit the entire next day. You’re not gonna wanna do anything, you’re gonna be much more likely to give into bad actions, and just be much, much more likely to spiral into bad habits again.

When you’re younger, this might not affect you as much. At 25 right now. I can do this sometimes and be fine. But, I 100% notice a difference between when I power through a day vs setting myself up for success.

This is the 80/20 of feeling better and having more energy. If you’re not sleeping right or fueling your body correctly, the foundation is shit, and you’re much more likely to fall and fail. It’s very hard to build up if this isn’t even done.

I thought this was bullshit until years ago, I actually tried it and stuck with it.

Years ago, I wasn’t taking care of myself at all. I was barely even showering. But I started working out, sleeping better, and one morning, I remember I ate this homemade whole-grain bread avocado egg breakfast sandwich. And I promise you, idk it if it was timing, the room got brighter, and I couldn’t stop smiling for like 30s straight.

It doesn’t take much.

Remember, you are a biological machine; take care of yourself.

As you learn things about the world and from different people, you’re going to learn stuff that contradicts. But also a lot of stuff that makes sense and is repeated over and over again. The things that are repeated over and over again are generally timeless principles that can be used without too much questioning or doubt. But the very specific stuff needs a lot more context and investigation, especially if it contradicts everything else you know.

Use what’s useful and use what applies to you. Nobody is perfect, and very rarely are you going to find a source that’s 100% perfect for all time, forever.

I’ve always been a questioner, and as I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized how much more important that gets. Never stop questioning.

Side note: Don’t be afraid to ask questions just to ask questions. He who asks a question is a fool for five minutes; he who does not ask a question remains a fool forever.

As I’ve gotten older and I continue to look at and learn from other people, either in the past, alive today, just humanity in general, I realize, 90% of people don’t know shit. And even people who do know something only get about 10-15% of it right.

What I mean by that is not that humans aren’t smart and everyone’s stupid. No at all. But nobody really knows anything about the big ultimate questions of life stuff. The really big, deep questions of life. Which is a pretty scary thought when you realize that.

People have ideas about life. Different philosophies, different ways of doing things. And there’s a LOT of overlap and things that you can learn. But nobody has it 100% figure out from top to bottom. Nobody even knows what we’re doing here at all. Exactly how we got here. Why we’re here. If there even is a why.

Nobody knows the meaning of life, what’s gonna happen tomorrow, or if you should or should not do that thing. Nobody can tell you exactly what to do with your life.

Everyone you see is just a kid playing an adult and came into this weird universe less than 100 years ago.

It does not mean that people can’t be experts in a certain field. Of course, people know how to be doctors, mechanics, build spaceships, etc. And of course, you should listen to people in different fields who know what they’re talking about. If someone’s a millionaire, they probably know more about money than you, so you should listen to them. If someone’s been in a healthy 40+ year marriage, you should probably listen to them about how to fall in love.

But a lot of people can start looking at different role models, especially online, who know a lot about one thing, so they start listening to them about everything. Sure, this person might know how to make money, but maybe their relationships suck. Yeah, this person can play the hell out of piano, but are they fulfilled? Yeah, sure, they're a really smart mathematician, but do they really know the meaning of life?

Like, you wouldn’t listen to your doctor for advice on how to do a triple backflip on a BMX bike. Because that’s not their area of knowledge.

If you wanna know/learn something, find people who know a good bit in that single area, take what works for you, and discard the rest. Try not to start listening to them on ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING and assuming EVERYTHING they say is perfect just because some parts are correct.

Listen to people, contemplate it, sit on it, filter, take, and move on.

The second you start to listen 100% to one source or one person and stop questioning anything, is when it gets very dangerous very quickly.

Learn something from everyone. Not everything from anyone.

You’d be surprised how many people you can meet and form connections with by simply being genuinely interested in people around you.

You can learn something from every single person you interact with. I mean this literally. You can either learn something new. Or learn something you shouldn’t do. Or learn something in more depth. Or get reinforced on what you already know. Regardless, you learned.

I remember years ago, my mom once told me I was a very social, non-shy kid. I would always try to talk to people, always had a smile, and was just a nice, jolly ol’ boy. But at some point, that stopped, and I didn’t become reserved per se, but I would rather avoid people than talk to them. A clear chance would come to open up a conversation with someone, and I would kinda just turn away and try to avoid it if I could.

But over the past several years, I have now tried to just talk to people. This has benefited my life greatly. And it’s so, so interesting talking to people. I’ve met new people and interacted with more strangers than I ever have in my life. I even met my girlfriend because of this new skill I learned, which wouldn’t have happened if I had continued to stay awkward and avoid conversation.

A lot of people are scared to do it so I’ll give you a simple hack: Genuinely become interested in other people.

That’s it. If you talk to someone and you genuinely just want to know more about them, their lives, their history, their thoughts, it’s so much easier to talk and keep going.

Because all talking really is, is relaying information. That’s it. You give them information. They give you information. Then back and forth, back and forth. And people love talking about things they care about. They love talking about themselves.

You don’t even need to have a super long 30-minute conversation with people, but even just a quick, 10-second back and forth can spark something new. Plus, something about it feels very nice.

I know we humans are social creatures, so there has to be some chemical getting released but something about it just feels super, super nice and calming.

I looked it up lol. I think it’s oxytocin.

Plus, every friend and relationship you’ll ever have started with you guys as strangers. So don’t be afraid to talk to people. I can only add something to your life.

This is something I learned years ago from a book. I forget which one, but it’s something that is one of the most true statements I’ve ever heard and experienced.

If you have a good morning, the rest of the day becomes 5 times easier by default. And if you have a good morning, you have a good day, if you have a good day, you have a good night, and a good night sets you up to have a good morning. Then the cycle repeats, and days just keep getting better and better and better. Then, before you know it, you keep having good days, and you realize you ended up having a good life.

And if you want to have a good night, it mainly comes down to going to bed at the right time (probably like 9 or 10 pm, depending on your lifestyle) and not staying up late on your phone into the night.

And to have a good morning, know what you want to do the night before, don’t get on your phone first thing in the morning, and when you wake up, get up. Try not to hit snooze and lie there and do nothing. It adds to much drag to the rest of the day

I never thought I was a morning person until I started to go to bed on time and use my mornings productively. Now I actually look forward to the mornings, which is something I never thought I would say.

Every day is the same day on repeat; start it off right, and it’ll help you finish strong.

Nothing changes if nothing changes. If you want to change something, don’t wait for change; make the change now.

Remember: You don’t have forever to exist.

And as you continue to exist, you realize that at some point, things don’t just magically warp and change. You actually have to DO something. And if you keep doing the same things, you’re going to get what you already have.

I remember when I was younger, I had ideas about things I wanted to do, as most people do. But it wasn’t until I realized, oh shit, like I actually HAVE to do something about this for it to change, did I actually start taking actions for the change to happen.

There’s a big difference between planning, hoping, and thinking vs actually executing.

This is probably the most difficult concept to actually act on in the very beginning, because if you’ve never actually tried at anything or tried to change or become a different person, you don’t know what this even means. You don’t know what you’re doing when you do finally start, because it’s scary and daunting and your brain HATES change.

If you’ve never actually done anything, you’re probably way too overwhelmed to start. This happens to most people and is why most people never start the path to change their lives.

But if you actually want to change, you need to change. And the faster you change, the faster you’ll reap the rewards for making the change.

A lot of people wait for motivation or some huge energy wave to get started. Which can help, and they will come, but they’re not reliably nor consistent. Meaning your progress is going to be inconsistent and random. Meaning it’s not going to get you anywhere long-term. Because to get anywhere long-term, progress can’t be random; it needs to be stable and consistent.

A note I wrote down a long time ago and I keep coming back to is: Take action, then motivation follows

You’re never going to be in the perfect condition to start. Starting is the perfect condition. Take action, then motivation follows. Don’t wait for motivation before taking action, or your progress will be delayed by years. And you're training your brain to rely on motivation to take action, which will only get you so far.

Having a 3-day burst, then stopping for 6 months, is simply not going to cut it.

If you ever do want to change, the faster you can simply just start, even if it’s a small action, the better. Because if you continue not to change, it going to make it harder to change when you do try to start.

And if you’re 18-19-20, it’s so much easier to change now vs when you get to 40. Of course, I’m not 40 yet, but I would imagine it’s pretty damn hard to start new habits and really change your life at 40 compared to 20.

All actions are linked together. One action leads to the next. Bad habit cycles are very, very nefarious. If you want to change, you need to break the wheel and build a new one. But once you build the new wheel, it’s much easier to continue like the wheel before.

But you need to actually make the change now, if you ever want to see it.

You don’t know what they’ve been through or their state of mind.

Humans, at the end of the day, are trying their best. The actions people take are based on a long line of complex context, their environment, their state of mind at that moment, and a hundred other variables. But at any moment, all people do is what they can. So if someone messes up, ignore it. 99.9%, it’s not even that deep to begin with.

If someone is mean to you, be kind in return.

Plus, think about the times you’ve messed up. You’ve done some bad stuff. You’ve cut someone off in traffic. You’ve been in a bad mood and maybe said the wrong thing to someone. But you know that you didn’t mean it, you just did because of the circumstances at that time.

The same thing goes for other people. Humans make mistakes and will continue to make mistakes until the end of time.

Seek to understand the thought process of people and never judge them fully because you don’t know them fully.

Plus, you gain nothing by being mean or disrespectful to people. It solves nothing.

And, you never know how much a simple gesture can go. Someone can be having the shittiest day of their entire life, and one simple act of kindness could encourage them to keep going. It doesn’t take a lot to keep people going.

Be the reason someone keeps going.

In the past I would say I was pretty depressed. And I never really understood why. And I realized it was for 2 big reasons:

1. 1. I wasn’t taking care of myself for shit. I wasn’t showering, working out, sleeping, eating right, and I was balding. Not because of age but because of unhealthy choices.
2. 2. The things I was doing daily, I didn’t care about it and it felt empty because it wasn’t going anywhere I cared about.

And over the years, as I’ve been able to focus on my goals, figure out my own path, talk and learn from others. I’ve realized that people mainly want two things: Freedom and Meaning.

We want freedom. We want to feel in control of our lives, and then we want to have control over our meaning and feel like we’re doing or building towards something bigger than ourselves. And people get very depressed when they feel like they have no freedom or say over their own life, and what they’re doing daily has no meaningful purpose or end.

Depression happens when they find no meaning in the suffering of life.

As I talked about before in another lesson, life is always going to be suffering in some way, shape, or form. BUT humans find happiness, fulfillment, drive, whatever, despite the suffering when the suffering means something to the individual person.

If you’re just going through the motions, mandatorily suffering daily, and you feel like it’s useless, pointless, see no end, and know you won’t get anything from it continuing, that’s when things can get bad very quickly.

Imagine someone said they’re going to punch you in the face and then take all your money. Shitty deal. But then, if someone said they’re going to punch you in the face but give you all the money in the world for yourself and your family and generations to come, plus you would live for 1000 years in paradise, however you choose, whatever, it becomes a lot different.

Because yes, it’s still the same suffering/pain, but it means something now.

You will tolerate and move through the pain in life and even start to enjoy it, if the pain means something.

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And in my life, as I’ve experienced it so far, as well as what I’ve learned and observed. There is no better feeling than making progress towards a worthy goal.

If you start making progress towards a goal that you actually care about, want to achieve, and feel like you need to achieve for your life to be complete, you will feel alive. Idk the best way to explain it yet, as it’s hard to put into words the emotion. I don’t want to call it happiness. It is happiness. But it’s not quite that simple either. Because a lot of people, when they think of happiness, they’re actually thinking joy. When you’re kicking your feet, smiling, and giggling 24/7. That’s definitely not it, but you feel as if you’re.. useful. You feel full. I’m 99% that’s what people mean by purpose.

I like to define happiness as this: You’re not always smiling, but a smile is never far away.

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Quick yap because I think this is super important:

A lot of younger people try to be “happy” by giving into instant gratification activities and frying their brains with bullshit they don’t care about. They think happiness is actually joy and that the point of life is to amuse ourselves to death.

Some people never break out of this stage. They do this forever. Constantly jumping from distraction to distraction and never building anything real or something they care about.

But those who actually find some time to sit down and find that spark within them realize there’s more to life than this. More to life than comfort and distractions.

So, then the next stage is they realize that chasing instant gratification doesn’t work. So they eliminate the bad habits, and they start taking care of themselves better physically and mentally. They go to the gym, sleep right, eat cleaner, etc. They keep doing this for a while, and now are in great shape and feel brighter about the future.

Now that they have more energy, they can think more clearly about their lives. They definitely feel better overall, but something still feels empty. There’s still a hole. Something still feels off about life that can’t really be described easily.

And from my experience, that hole people are trying to fill is meaning.

Because day to day, they’re not doing the thing they actually want to do and/or it’s not building to anything they care about. Which is fine at certain points in life, because you have to do what you gotta do. You can’t typically just instantly do whatever you want. BUT, the issue is that their brain knows that long-term it’s going to put them on the path to what they want to do. It knows that every day isn’t building to something greater, there is no end, it’s only going to get worse, and there is no deeper meaning behind it.

And if what you’re doing on a daily basis isn’t leading you to a bigger goal long term, it’s going to feel pointless and depressing.

Lemme explain: At some point, you gotta do things you don’t wanna do. That’s normal and cool. But you are going to be miserable, lack energy, lack “happiness” if you wanna use that word, if you don’t actually care about it, and you ultimately at the end of the day find it meaningless and worthless.

But even if you’re in a shitty position, if you know that if you continue, it’s building towards a big reward 1-2 years later, that can be enough to keep you going. If you know that while today or even tomorrow your actions might not yield results, if you know that the actions you’re taking today are a necessary step in becoming who you dream about becoming, it’s worth it.

It’s the reason why, when guys typically have a family, they can work 10 hours+ a day doing something they hate. Because while the work does suck, they’re providing for their family. Their kids can do what they want and have a good upbringing. Their wife is happy and at peace. Or maybe even they love the art of whatever they’re doing, and over time, as they grow, they’re going to get more pay and more recognition. They can become the boss, manager, or CEO, and it’s something they’ve always wanted to do. Regardless of the reason, it’s a big goal that they actually care about that’s bigger than the actions themselves.

Now imagine if there was nothing. No one to come home to. No reason. No purpose. No end. No goal. That’s depressing as fuck.

And yeah, sure, you still can still do it, but your drive energy and “happiness” is going to be subpar. You could force yourself to do things you don’t want to do forever with no bigger meaning or purpose to it alone, but I imagine you don’t want to live your entire life as a slave.

Progression towards a worthy goal is what the human mind feeds off of.

If you start making progress towards a worthy goal, you won’t be “happy” as most people think about it. But you will feel "happy" inside your heart and soul. It will give you this energy to push forward and allow you to get the most out of your life. In the end, this is what we’re going to look back on and remember. The moments when we were lost in the moments we care about most.

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I remember whenever I was in high school and college, I couldn’t understand how people could study long hours, stay after class, and just keep going and going, while I couldn’t study 10 minutes a week. It’s simply because they actually gave a fuck about what they were doing, and I didn’t. They have a goal. A reason. A why. A long-term bridge connecting their actions now to the future. Sure, they probably weren’t happy in the middle of a studying session, but they were able to keep going when they reminded themselves of why they started.

Because of their reason why, they are able to drag themselves through the hard shit because they know it’s going to lead to something more important for them in the future.

It’s just a reframe in their mind. Same action, different reason.

If you want to be “happy,” don’t chase “happy”. Instead, find a goal, a big goal that you care about, and start making progress towards it. In my experience so far, this is much more fulfilling and is what true “happiness” is.

This takes time, but it’s well worth it if you want to look back at your life and be proud of it.

There’s a difference between harsh honesty and unnecessary negativity. Avoid the latter.

Naturally, we are our biggest critics. If you listen to anyone open up about their own self-talk, usually it’s not positive. A lot of the time, we beat ourselves up more than anyone else outside of ourselves. We can make art that we hate ourselves, but everyone else celebrates and loves.

This is because we see all of our flaws that nobody else sees. We know every single little detail and then some. We know what we think. How hard we try. The amount of trial and error that goes into everything. Therefore, we see ourselves as incredibly imperfect. And because we have such a high goal we want to get to, the gap is massive and makes us look like we’re the worst humans ever in our minds. Even if we’re objectively far and close to our goals, we will never be satisfied if the goal post is always 1000 miles away, no matter how far we run.

This self-doubt is going to happen and continue to happen no matter what, especially in the beginning of doing anything new.

So, what I’ve learned for myself is: Do not speak to yourself TOO harshly.

I think it’s good to be very honest and honestly be a bit skeptical instead of super over positive that you’re going to be a ripped millionaire in 3 months after not knowing anything about anything.

But also, if you’re going to do something long-term, you need to be internally driven. You are the only one who’s going to be with you through every single step of the process. Meaning you NEED to be on your side. If you’re constantly fighting with yourself and tearing yourself down and kicking yourself in the balls, it’s simply not useful.

You, of course, don’t want to be Mr. YES, and think everything is the most brilliant thought in the history of humanity, without challenging and questioning it, but don’t be your worst enemy either.

Be like that teacher you had that was strict, but fair. And very, very hard to say they were a bad teacher. They might not have always come across as the nicest person, but they did care about you and brought the best out of you, even if it was uncomfortable at times.

It takes time, but when you’re in the middle of the long process of doing something, you need to learn when to be encouraging and delusional but also be real, blunt, and realistic. This is a tough line to balance. But you need to be your own cheerleader for a while, especially in the beginning.

Do not shoot yourself down before taking off.

I started to really think about my death a lot whenever I was in college. I thought about it before, but never really in crazy detail. And when I finally did and started spiraling, I became a nihilist very quickly. And honestly, I still probably am.

I don’t think anything will ultimately matter, but also so what?

Just because it won’t matter one day, does that mean I shouldn’t do anything now?

Even if meaning is an illusion, so what? I’m here, and this is literally all I’m ever going to have, so I might as well just… do stuff.

If nothing matters, I can’t mess up. If nothing matters, then there are no rules; there’s no perfect way to live my life. If at the end of my life everything will be wiped away, then why stress out about small shit that doesn’t matter and isn’t going to make a difference?

What if death isn’t even death and it’s actually the start of something new?

What does death feel like?

Do we experience death?

If death is inexperience, then how will we experience it?

What will happen when I have to experience non-experience for eternity?

You can see how you can spiral and never ever stop. Because it doesn’t stop. It’s a bottomless pit you can stay in literally forever. Nobody knows what death is like. Nobody has any real answers to this. It’s a question that has been asked since the first human, and we still aren’t anywhere close to an answer.

But I do think it’s good to think about your death, at least a little bit. And if you are going to think about death. Think about it. Feel it. Embrace it. Figure out what that means to you. THEN go DO something about it.

Try not to be one of those people who become a useless nihilist and truly think nothing matters. Maybe they are right, but it’s simply not useful.

We’re here now, that’s something, that’s everything, at least enjoy it with the time you have left.

Whenever I start my “self improvement” journey years ago, I started off by doing what a lot of people do, by reading hella books. I wanna say I read like over 20 in like 6 months or so and it got to the point when I was just reading and wasn’t even learning anymore.

In the very beginning, it’s useful because I’m learning about a bunch of new things, and by learning these things, I can now apply them to other areas of my life, which is great! But at some point, you’re going to realize something. There’s a lot of repeated stuff.

After about 3-6 months of consuming everything related to self-improvement or mindset or whatever, you’re going to gain about 90% of the knowledge.

A lot of the knowledge is based on people’s lives. And since humans are humans, a lot of us are going to live similar lives. Our lives are not exactly the same, but the same things are going to start popping up over and over again across all people.

Repetition is not a problem.

Repeating stuff or relearning can be very useful, as we need to be reminded more than we need to be taught, and most of the time we don’t catch the lesson or sometimes need to be told in a slightly different way before it clicks. Like you didn’t learn the alphabet the very first time you ever heard it. You didn’t learn math just by trying for 10 seconds. You probably had to have heard it hundreds of times before it finally clicked. And the lessons from humans 1000 years ago, while simple, still take a lot of hearing again and again before we finally understand them.

But some people can get trapped here. Just listening, watching, and reading, but not actually doing anything to make progress in real life.

This is cool for the first 6 months MAX. Maybe 3 months today, honestly. But after that, you need to start taking action and actually applying what you’re learning. Then, in between the gaps of you taking action, continuing to learn, re-listening/watching can be useful as it just drills it deeper and deeper into your mind. But don’t get caught in the trap of thinking learning is progress. It is progress, but only progress in loading the spring, not launching it.

At the end of the day, action is truly ALL that matters.

You can have the best plan. Lay out your environment perfectly. Have the best iron mindset in the world, if you don’t actually do SHIT, it doesn’t matter at all.

This is a very easy trap we can run into. It’s just procrastination and fear play dressing as progress.

If you actually want to progress in anything, it will come down to actually taking action and doing something. If you don’t know what to do, learn what you do to do, then do what you have to do.

Trying to learn every single step and plan is impossible.

Walk then the road becomes clear.

But perfectionism will keep you at step 1 till you die.

Whenever we’re young is when our emotions are at their highest. And it’s also when we don’t know what to do with them because they’re new and we’ve never actually dealt with them before. Like being sad and not knowing what to do with your life is normal, but the first time it happens, it feels like your life is over. It’s like being forced to sprint when you don’t even know how to walk.

Over time, these emotions never go away, but you just kinda get used to them, and you’d better learn how to control and manage them. So now, when something happens, you don’t go crazy, freak out, and act like the end of the world is coming, but you can see it for what it is and be much more reasonable in your actions.

For me, I’ve learned that just because I feel something doesn’t mean I need to act in accordance with it. Easier said than done, of course, but over time it’s been getting easier and easier. Whenever I feel something, my first thought is why and what this is trying to tell me, rather than acting on the emotion. If I can understand why I feel this way and what I can do to fix it, then I just do that.

Emotions are generally signals from your brain based on stimuli. If you’re happy, there’s a reason. If you’re sad, there’s a reason. If you’re mad, there’s a reason. If you’re tired, there’s a reason. If you find the reason, you can control your emotions much better.

And emotions are great! They make life have substance. But if you let them control your life, your life is going to be all over the place, because emotions are all over the place.

Feel emotions, don’t let them dictate your actions without making sure you actually should or need to.

The more you take action despite your emotions, the more powerful that muscle becomes, and you show yourself you’re not a slave to the chemicals in your brain.

Oh, and remember: Fear is a mile wide but an inch deep.

I didn’t know where to put this quote but I find it very helpful ^

Action x Consistency = Results

If you can take one thing from this, it’s that.

If you’re reading this far, I assume you want to get more out of your life. Great! I’ll save you a lot of time on the mindset end of all this stuff. Because it's repeated a lot and over time I realize it all basically comes down to a few things.

Take action, even if you don’t want to, and be consistent with that action over a long period of time until you start to get rewarded for that action. As you start to get rewarded, it makes it easier to continue and is actually fun.

Now, consistency is the most important part… Kinda. Like, action technically is the most important part, but doing that action over and over again is just as important. If you’re not going to be consistent, then action doesn’t really matter.

Even if you’re not extreme, if you’re consistent in something for 5-10 years, it’s very hard for that thing not to become something massive. This is also why it’s very, very important to actually think about your life. Because at some point, you are going to be consistent with something for decades. And you don’t want to reach the end of those 5-10 years and realize you were consistent in something you don’t care about.

You’re going to be consistent at something at some point; make sure it’s towards something worth it.

Also, take your life seriously, but also not too seriously.

Take it seriously because this is the only time you’re ever going to exist, and this is quite literally all you’ll ever have. You don't have time to worry about shit you don't care about. Your time is forever limited, and one day it's going to run out, and you’ll never get another second ever again. If you want to do something, do it now. The time between knowing what to do and when you actually do it is time you'll never get back. And you'll look back at your life with regret, looking at all the time you had the chance to do something, but just didn’t.

But also, you’re going to die and at the end, none of this is going to matter one day.

Everything you ever do, big or small, will one day be gone as if it never existed at all. You can send humans to another galaxy, and one day, humanity will forget who got them there. Nothing you do will last forever. The very ground you stand on today will be instead of the star in the sky in a few billion years.

So while you’re here, take time to sit in silence. Read. Think. Pray. Meditate. Listen to music. Have deep conversations. Try. Challenge yourself. Actually, make sure you experience experience before it’s gone from you forever.

Get the most out of your existence.